is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
