my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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