she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
