you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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