You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
