Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
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I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
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Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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