my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
