I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
