And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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