I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
