there was a trapeze. enough said
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
