Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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