i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
