I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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