Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
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and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
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I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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