Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
