one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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