somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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