I didn't shave. On purpose
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
