mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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