Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
