Jerry, you need to find god
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
