I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
