I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
