so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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