I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
she looked like the before picture.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
