I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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