I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
