Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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