Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
