That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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