I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i came on her dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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