I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
