she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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