Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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