it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
