i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
