I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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