May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
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The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
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And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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