There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
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He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
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Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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