Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
