If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
