he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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