I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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