Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
