I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
