you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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