Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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