how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Im part way to drunk.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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