I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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