I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
