Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Pooping to opera.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
