We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
