i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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