Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
my sisters under your porch take her home
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
