i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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