We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
