he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
