Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize