i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.