I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
Love having children with random chicks
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.