I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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