we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
