Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
