i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
