Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
