you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
