I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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