You're my little dorito
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
