she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
