Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize