Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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