You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
