I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
